TomToday.com

When you have an ‘I Hate My Job day’

[Even if you're retired, you sometimes have those days]

Try this out:On our way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to thethermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins.

Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:

‘Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson &Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized. ‘

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times,’I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.’
HAVE A NICE DAY; AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE ASS THAN YOURS!

Remember,if you haven’t got a smile on your face and laughter in yourheart…Then you are just an old sour fart; Maybe you should go andwork for Johnson &Johnson!!!!!

OOOPs - I forgot, we already did. Fun Fun Fun.

This notice is to officially inform you that Tom has officially went off the deep end and jumped into a puddle of intensely bright yellow paint. As many of you know in an effort to avoid severe addiction to the rather unattractive and lifeless black paint, Thomas went on a rampage and spilled the entire vat of black paint into the New River, right in front of the Broward Performing Arts Center. It IS rumoured that unlookers were in shock as Thomas (in perfect dramatic formation as always) performed a ’sacred cleansing ceremony’ with his own musical rendition of “I WRITE THE SONGS” and an incredibly shocking painting, full of colors that critics say are ‘recently discovered hues of orange, yellow and red with a tinge of blue and an an underlying tone of flourescent green.’ Yet, it is not know exactly what the subject of the painting is. One witness stated that the painting ‘ looked like a child covered in paint with a smug grin’, yet another said that the painting looked like a ‘lunatic in a strange halloween costume with rainbow colored teeth.’ The origin of the painting is not known - yet it us rumored that the painting may be worth MILLIONS and that whomever has created this image of perfect LOVE has contacted Thomas to help sell the painting to the masses of people addicted to darkness. We are anxious to hear more about this late breaking story - - - - aren’t you?